Lilith: Frasier, recently a subconscious yearning has tunneled its way to the surface and I now know what it is I need in order to make my life complete.
Frasier: Well, that's wonderful news. How can I help?
Lilith: You can give me your sperm.
Frasier: Well, that's wonderful news. How can I help?
Lilith: You can give me your sperm.
Frasier: Oh, honestly Dad, you know sometimes I don't think you listen to me.
Frasier: I said sometimes I don't think you...
Frasier: I said sometimes...
Frasier: I see what you're doing.
Frasier: I said sometimes I don't think you...
Frasier: I said sometimes...
Frasier: I see what you're doing.
Roz: Hey, Frasier! Nancy, hi!
Nancy: Hi!
Roz: So, are you back to work, yet?
Nancy: Almost, I start at KNFS tomorrow.
Frasier: You know, Roz, Nancy and I are having coffee.
Roz: Oh, none for me, thanks. (to waitress) Listen, can I have a fat-free muffin please? Nancy, I have been dying to call you. My cousin just moved to town and I think he'd be perfect for you!
Nancy: Actually, I just started seeing someone.
Roz: Well, you'll forget all about him when you meet Chuck. He is so handsome and rugged and he loves the outdoors...
Frasier: Kindly leave him there. You see, the person Nancy is seeing is me.
Roz: Really? You two are dating?
Frasier: Even as we speak!
Roz: Oh my God! I am so sorry. Well, good for you. I mean, who needs Chuck when you've got.. well, the anti-Chuck? When my muffin gets here, could you send it over?
Frasier: We won't even see it coming. Well, where were we?
Nancy: Well, I think you were about to ask me out again.
Niles: (enters) Frasier, I am so glad you're here.
Frasier: Niles.
Niles: Oh, sorry. Niles Crane.
Nancy: I think we've met. Nancy Cavenaugh, I used to work at KACL.
Niles: Oh, of course. Talking business?
Frasier: Uh, well, actually no...
Niles: Oh, good, I was afraid I was interrupting something. Here, feast your eyes on this!
Frasier: Financial settlement. Good lord, Niles, you and Maris have come to terms?
Niles: What's that? I couldn't hear you over the angels singing.
Frasier: Well, congratulations! That is exciting. My, ah, brother's been going through a rather rancorous divorce.
Nancy: You must be very relieved.
Niles: Oh, I'll say. It's cost me a fortune already. If she dragged it out any longer, I'd be literally bankrupt.
Frasier: Well, I'm sure you've got some celebrating to do, so off you go.
Niles: I cannot wait until I'm done with this. I just have to sign it and get her to do the same and then I can take my seat aboard the freedom train.
Frasier: Well, all aboard!
Niles: Oh, it's a funny thing: One day you're starting a new relationship, full of hope. The next you're sinking helplessly into a sucking pit of despair that leaves you filled with the bitter bile of regret. ....... You're on a date, aren't you?
Frasier: It's hard to say at this point.
Nancy: Hi!
Roz: So, are you back to work, yet?
Nancy: Almost, I start at KNFS tomorrow.
Frasier: You know, Roz, Nancy and I are having coffee.
Roz: Oh, none for me, thanks. (to waitress) Listen, can I have a fat-free muffin please? Nancy, I have been dying to call you. My cousin just moved to town and I think he'd be perfect for you!
Nancy: Actually, I just started seeing someone.
Roz: Well, you'll forget all about him when you meet Chuck. He is so handsome and rugged and he loves the outdoors...
Frasier: Kindly leave him there. You see, the person Nancy is seeing is me.
Roz: Really? You two are dating?
Frasier: Even as we speak!
Roz: Oh my God! I am so sorry. Well, good for you. I mean, who needs Chuck when you've got.. well, the anti-Chuck? When my muffin gets here, could you send it over?
Frasier: We won't even see it coming. Well, where were we?
Nancy: Well, I think you were about to ask me out again.
Niles: (enters) Frasier, I am so glad you're here.
Frasier: Niles.
Niles: Oh, sorry. Niles Crane.
Nancy: I think we've met. Nancy Cavenaugh, I used to work at KACL.
Niles: Oh, of course. Talking business?
Frasier: Uh, well, actually no...
Niles: Oh, good, I was afraid I was interrupting something. Here, feast your eyes on this!
Frasier: Financial settlement. Good lord, Niles, you and Maris have come to terms?
Niles: What's that? I couldn't hear you over the angels singing.
Frasier: Well, congratulations! That is exciting. My, ah, brother's been going through a rather rancorous divorce.
Nancy: You must be very relieved.
Niles: Oh, I'll say. It's cost me a fortune already. If she dragged it out any longer, I'd be literally bankrupt.
Frasier: Well, I'm sure you've got some celebrating to do, so off you go.
Niles: I cannot wait until I'm done with this. I just have to sign it and get her to do the same and then I can take my seat aboard the freedom train.
Frasier: Well, all aboard!
Niles: Oh, it's a funny thing: One day you're starting a new relationship, full of hope. The next you're sinking helplessly into a sucking pit of despair that leaves you filled with the bitter bile of regret. ....... You're on a date, aren't you?
Frasier: It's hard to say at this point.
Frasier: Dad! I thought you were going to clear out tonight. I've got a date.
Kenny: Doc, I need you in the bedroom.
Martin: ...
Martin: Pretty.
Kenny: Doc, I need you in the bedroom.
Martin: ...
Martin: Pretty.
“When I die I want it to be on my hundredth birthday in my beach house on Maui, and I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college!
—Wisdom from Roz
Julia: You know, there's a place down the street that, uh, is open all night.
Roz: Just like your mouth?
Julia: Just like your legs?
Roz: Just like your mouth?
Julia: Just like your legs?
Niles: Do you know you have your pajamas on backwards?
Frasier: Another delightful quirk of mine.
Niles: Not from where I'm sitting.
Frasier: Another delightful quirk of mine.
Niles: Not from where I'm sitting.
Frasier: I am so tired of your exaggeration, you always make things FIFTEEN THOUSAND times worse than they are!
Noel: So, that's the competition? Or, are you just using him to make me jealous?
Roz: Actually, I forgot you were gonna be here.
Noel: I'll bet you regret bringing the arm candy now. So, uh, what's he do?
Roz: He...works for the city.
Noel: So, in a manner of speaking, I pay his salary. Which makes me his boss.
Noel: Does that turn you on?
Roz: Actually, I forgot you were gonna be here.
Noel: I'll bet you regret bringing the arm candy now. So, uh, what's he do?
Roz: He...works for the city.
Noel: So, in a manner of speaking, I pay his salary. Which makes me his boss.
Noel: Does that turn you on?
Daphne: Good Lord!
Martin: What?
Daphne: Look at this headline.
Martin: "Martin Crane Dead". Wu-hu-oo! Bet you don't need much coffee after that! Gee, fifty eight, poor guy, hardly had a life.
Daphne: Handsome fellow, though.
Martin: Yeah, multi-millionaire, decorated war hero, wrote a spy novel. "Survived by his wife, Florence, former Miss. Washington and two sons, Joe, a Marine Corps colonel, and the professional baseball player, Mickey Crane".
Martin: Nothing like starting the day off jealous of a dead guy..
Martin: What?
Daphne: Look at this headline.
Martin: "Martin Crane Dead". Wu-hu-oo! Bet you don't need much coffee after that! Gee, fifty eight, poor guy, hardly had a life.
Daphne: Handsome fellow, though.
Martin: Yeah, multi-millionaire, decorated war hero, wrote a spy novel. "Survived by his wife, Florence, former Miss. Washington and two sons, Joe, a Marine Corps colonel, and the professional baseball player, Mickey Crane".
Martin: Nothing like starting the day off jealous of a dead guy..
Chet: Hello Dr. Crane, This is Chet from Whitby Island. I gave you a call last year? I was having problems with a low self esteem.
Frasier: Ahh. Ah, I see. And did my advise help you to become more assertive?
Chet: Damn straight. And now people say I'm downright arrogant. Well you know what I say? Screw 'em!
Frasier: Well, perhaps you took my advice just a bit too far.
Chet: Who the hell are you? Screw you too! (line goes dead)
Frasier: Ahh. Ah, I see. And did my advise help you to become more assertive?
Chet: Damn straight. And now people say I'm downright arrogant. Well you know what I say? Screw 'em!
Frasier: Well, perhaps you took my advice just a bit too far.
Chet: Who the hell are you? Screw you too! (line goes dead)
Frasier: This morning, I went into her bedroom.
Niles: Frasier! How could you!
Niles: No matter how irresistible the urge to venture down that hallway, to press your face against that door, to actually feel the grain of the wood against your cheak...
Niles: It must be fought! It must be fought! ..
Niles: Frasier! How could you!
Niles: No matter how irresistible the urge to venture down that hallway, to press your face against that door, to actually feel the grain of the wood against your cheak...
Niles: It must be fought! It must be fought! ..
